my prayer.

to: god
i've had a pretty sucky week in my eyes but its made me think a lot which has kinda turned it into a good week. i realized that my deffinition of a good week is so much diferent than yours. i've learned that you've placed pain and suffering in my life for a reason-you're preparing me for the future.
here lately, when i have faced hardships i've been running and hiding. i thought that if i would pretend that nothing was going on then my problems would go away but in all reality-they didn't.
i was being two faced. i was pretending to be someone i wasn't. i was pretending to be someone who had a perfect family and a perfect relationship with god. i was pretending that my life was like something out of a movie....and that everything was going well. but it wasn't. and it's not. i was mad. i was mad that my life was falling apart. i thought it was your fault. but i've realized something. it's not your fault. you've placed suffering and pain in my life to prepare me for something in the future. im being tested. lord i surrender. i've realized i cant do it on my own and im tired of trying. im tired of failing. im tired of being hurt and not running to anyone but myself. god im sorry. im sorry for ignoring you. im sorry ive neglected you. im sorry for everything. lord i thank you for trials. i thank you for suffering. i thank you for pain. i thank you for teaching me. i thank you for never letting go of me even when i have let go of you. i thank you for always forgiving. and god-most importantly, i thank you for loving even me.
from: your servant