to: god
i've had a pretty sucky week in my eyes but its made me think a lot which has kinda turned it into a good week. i realized that my deffinition of a good week is so much diferent than yours. i've learned that you've placed pain and suffering in my life for a reason-you're preparing me for the future.
here lately, when i have faced hardships i've been running and hiding. i thought that if i would pretend that nothing was going on then my problems would go away but in all reality-they didn't.
i was being two faced. i was pretending to be someone i wasn't. i was pretending to be someone who had a perfect family and a perfect relationship with god. i was pretending that my life was like something out of a movie....and that everything was going well. but it wasn't. and it's not. i was mad. i was mad that my life was falling apart. i thought it was your fault. but i've realized something. it's not your fault. you've placed suffering and pain in my life to prepare me for something in the future. im being tested. lord i surrender. i've realized i cant do it on my own and im tired of trying. im tired of failing. im tired of being hurt and not running to anyone but myself. god im sorry. im sorry for ignoring you. im sorry ive neglected you. im sorry for everything. lord i thank you for trials. i thank you for suffering. i thank you for pain. i thank you for teaching me. i thank you for never letting go of me even when i have let go of you. i thank you for always forgiving. and god-most importantly, i thank you for loving even me.
from: your servant
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
what if you had one month left to live?
i recently led a group of people in a bible study on living your life to the fullest..here is my outline. hope you enjoy!
What if you went into a regular check-up and the doctors told you that they found something that was out of place? What if that something was a cancer? What if they told you, you only had a month to live? What would you do? What would you need to let go of? Who would you need to talk to? How would the way you lived your life change?
James4:14 says you are not even guaranteed tomorrow and yet we waste so much of our time putting stuff off until tomorrow
I want you to think of a gravestone. They are three things that are on each and every gravestone. Those things are the year you were born, the year you died, and in between those two number is a dash. We cant control the year we were born nor can we control the year that we die but what we can control is the dash. So i wanna know, what are you doing with your dash and how are you going to spend it? How are you spending your life? Will people remember you when that second date comes? I know a big thing for me that has kept me from living my dash the way i know God wants me to is that I havnt let go of my past. I haven’t forgiven.
So many people, myself included, live in the past, we can’t let go of something that happened to us. Maybe someone close to them died, maybe their parents split up, maybe they went bankrupt, maybe they were abused, the list could go on. In order to live today, to live the dash to the fullest, we need to let go of our past and our mistakes and forgive.
Living a life full of unforgivness is a miserable way to live. Maybe it’s someone close to you that you can’t even be in the same room with anymore. Maybe it’s someone you haven’t seen in years. And maybe the person is you.
I don’t know what kind of stuff all of you are carrying around, but guys-the bags get heavy and carrying these things around with us make life exhausting and God didn’t create us to be this way. I know it is hard to let go, everyone has wounds – some big and some small, but if you keep holding on to them they eventually become a part of you. God created us to be free. God created us to live life to the fullest. To live in the dash- to live today, not in our past. We need to let go and forgive just as we have been forgiven by him.
We need to forgive and let go today because like James says, there is no guarantee that we will live tomorrow.
Back to the gravestone thing, it reminds me a lot like a race. We can’t control when the old man shoots the gun, and we can’t control when all the coaches are yelling at you to stop at the finish line but what we can control is the twenty minutes or so between the start and end of the race. And let’s say that you had a great start and are running and feel as if no one or nothing can ever put a stop to you. But what if suddenly you look down and see that your shoe is untied and when you look down that causes you to trip. Or what if at the beginning of the race you get spiked in the knee and start bleeding. Or what if your own spike gets stuck in a huge mud puddle and you fall and get covered in mud. Well it doesn’t matter how many times that you fall in a cross country meet, the officials are not going to disqualify you and that is just like life. No matter how many times you mess-up God will still forgive you. We can’t live off of our mistakes or the things that have happened to us in the past, we need to live today.
We need to live our dash to the fullest for we do not know when the second date is coming. It could be tomorrow, next year, or several decades down the road. But we need to be ready. We need to let go of our past. We need to forgive. We need to live the dash to the fullest. We need to live today.
What if you went into a regular check-up and the doctors told you that they found something that was out of place? What if that something was a cancer? What if they told you, you only had a month to live? What would you do? What would you need to let go of? Who would you need to talk to? How would the way you lived your life change?
James4:14 says you are not even guaranteed tomorrow and yet we waste so much of our time putting stuff off until tomorrow
I want you to think of a gravestone. They are three things that are on each and every gravestone. Those things are the year you were born, the year you died, and in between those two number is a dash. We cant control the year we were born nor can we control the year that we die but what we can control is the dash. So i wanna know, what are you doing with your dash and how are you going to spend it? How are you spending your life? Will people remember you when that second date comes? I know a big thing for me that has kept me from living my dash the way i know God wants me to is that I havnt let go of my past. I haven’t forgiven.
So many people, myself included, live in the past, we can’t let go of something that happened to us. Maybe someone close to them died, maybe their parents split up, maybe they went bankrupt, maybe they were abused, the list could go on. In order to live today, to live the dash to the fullest, we need to let go of our past and our mistakes and forgive.
Living a life full of unforgivness is a miserable way to live. Maybe it’s someone close to you that you can’t even be in the same room with anymore. Maybe it’s someone you haven’t seen in years. And maybe the person is you.
I don’t know what kind of stuff all of you are carrying around, but guys-the bags get heavy and carrying these things around with us make life exhausting and God didn’t create us to be this way. I know it is hard to let go, everyone has wounds – some big and some small, but if you keep holding on to them they eventually become a part of you. God created us to be free. God created us to live life to the fullest. To live in the dash- to live today, not in our past. We need to let go and forgive just as we have been forgiven by him.
We need to forgive and let go today because like James says, there is no guarantee that we will live tomorrow.
Back to the gravestone thing, it reminds me a lot like a race. We can’t control when the old man shoots the gun, and we can’t control when all the coaches are yelling at you to stop at the finish line but what we can control is the twenty minutes or so between the start and end of the race. And let’s say that you had a great start and are running and feel as if no one or nothing can ever put a stop to you. But what if suddenly you look down and see that your shoe is untied and when you look down that causes you to trip. Or what if at the beginning of the race you get spiked in the knee and start bleeding. Or what if your own spike gets stuck in a huge mud puddle and you fall and get covered in mud. Well it doesn’t matter how many times that you fall in a cross country meet, the officials are not going to disqualify you and that is just like life. No matter how many times you mess-up God will still forgive you. We can’t live off of our mistakes or the things that have happened to us in the past, we need to live today.
We need to live our dash to the fullest for we do not know when the second date is coming. It could be tomorrow, next year, or several decades down the road. But we need to be ready. We need to let go of our past. We need to forgive. We need to live the dash to the fullest. We need to live today.
fear.
the bible says 'do not fear' over one hundred times yet i live in a world of fear. im fearful to take my next breath. im fearful to step outside. im fearful to do normal everyday things. but why? i dont understand. why do so many people live in fear when the ALMIGHTY CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE tells us not to be afraid. i dont get it. is it because we dont trust him? why wouldnt someone trust the sustainer of the world? i cant even fathom it but yet i live in a world of fear and i feel stuck. i cant get out. i feel defeated. but im trying harder than ever. trying to escape and conquer my world of fear.
isaiah 41:10
so do not fear, for i am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am YOUR GOD. i will strengthen you and help you; i will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
isaiah 41:10
so do not fear, for i am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am YOUR GOD. i will strengthen you and help you; i will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
pain.
Death. Cancer. Divorce. Abuse. Bankruptcy. Trials. Temptations. Hardships. The valley’s of life. Why do things such as these happen? These very things have kept me up all night long. Why does someone have to face these things? Why? Why can’t life just be easy? It is for some people-or at least it seems like it. Something i've learnd are that valleys are inevitable. They’re gonna happen. We can’t stop them. They are also unpredictable. We never know what they are gonna be or when they are going to happen. Something encouraging is that they are temporary. They’re not going to last forever even if it seems that way. Lastly, valley’s, trial, hardships, etc, are purposeful. God will bring us through them. He will teach you something. And more than likely you will grow closer to him because of those times. So cling to him no matter what and praise him in the storms of life. He will never leave you.
divorce hurts.
It’s a Friday night and as the clock strikes five, everyone is rushed into the living room to wait and look out the window for her. When her limited edition 2009 perfectly clean, black jetta pulls in the driveway everyone rushes around as if we are in world war two and being bombarded by nazi soldiers. They won’t even look at each other anymore and usually the only way they communicate is through email or me. She never gets out of the car and is almost always talking on her cell phone, but we still have to grab our stuff as quickly as possible and run outside and get in the car as fast as we can so she will drive us away to our home for the weekend. I feel like a bag of rocks being dragged around from house to house. This place isn’t a home. A home is where your family is. A home should be comforting and inviting. Why do I feel so out of place here? I’m so confused. I’m so lost. Why do things like this happen? Divorce. It hurts. It sucks. It’s extremely painful and exhausting. I don’t understand it. They always say that they don’t ‘love’ each other anymore, but did they ever love each other in the first place? Sure, maybe it was puppy love in high school but did they really love each other unconditionally like they vowed on their marriage day? If they did then why are they divorced? Do such feelings really change? If they didn’t ‘love’ each other why would they get married in the first place? And they always say they will still love us, but if they really loved us, why would they want to put us through so much pain and hurt and disappointment and neglectment? Sure there are some situations when it is best for the kids, but I still just don’t understand it. Why this? Why does this have to be the outcome? Divorce. It hurts.
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