hunger.

i would love my dog Copper, if he didn't always beg. i drives me absolutely nuts when i'm sitting at the table and he just sits there looking at me begging. and if i give him a piece of chicken he'll be happy for about ten seconds but as soon as he's swallowed it-he wants more. more. more. more. i don't know how that dog can always be hunger, but he's never satisfied. he's always hungry for more. he always wants more.

while working at the mall, especially around christmas, i see this quality not just in dogs but in people! sure, it's often little kids begging their parents for an icee to go with their pretzel but i see it in adults too. black friday shopping is absolutely nuts...i saw numerous people fighting over stupid things that don't even matter...just so they can get more. another ugly christmas sweater, another pair of jeans that you don't need, the latest and greatest ipod. why does it matter? we're consumers..always wanting more.

recently i was in the windy, snowy city of chicago. my heart broke at how many homeless people i saw. shivering. starving. dying. my heart was torn the most when i saw this lady going to the bathroom in the middle of the sidewalk. she was shivering and had very thin clothes on. how sad is it that we take toilets for granted. i can guarentee you that this lady has never had an ipod and probably only has one outfit, yet we go out and fight for the latest and greatest. it just doesn't seem right. jesus said, 'for i was hungry and you gave me something to eat, i was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, i was a stranger and you invited me in, i needed clothes and you clothed me, i was sick and you looked after me, i was in prison and you came to visit me.'

i hope and pray that we do not turn into my dog. instead of begging for another 'piece of chicken', lets help those who are really in need.

hospital gowns, vicoden, and iv's.

here lately i feel like i've been to the docter/hospital more than i've been home! long story short, i had a fancy kind of infection in my lower back, i was having so much pain i could barely walk or even sit down and so my parents took me to the emergency room and they did a minor surgery and said i was all better. after a few weeks i had a follow up appointment with my docter, thinking everything was ok but once he did some tests he came back with bad news...my infection was back and it was a lot more serious. as soon as he said this i began crying (as you might have read in previous blogs im very emotional;) my docter told me i was going to have to have emergency surgery that next morning. and so when the next morning rolled around my dad and i got up before the roosters and went to the hospital. as soon as i got there they made me take off my clothes and put on a silly hospital gown!!!!!!!! i will never wear one of those things again..just saying. after i was dressed they put a bunch of iv's in me and soon enough i was asleep. after my surgery i figured i would feel much better (thats the normal thing to think right??) but after all my vicoden (miracle medicine) wore off i was in the most pain i have ever been in. my temperature is usually 96..not 98 and for two days i had a 102 fever. i remember laying on the couch crying..i couldn't move, i was in so much pain, and i literally thought i was going to die. i called out to god more those two days than i have in a long time. when i was going through that pain i got to thinking and found out that i wasn't ready to die. i had relationships in my life that i needed to ask forgiveness from, and most importantly i needed to get my relationship with god back on track. i know god didn't cause the infection inside of me but i do know that he has worked good out of it. i realized that christ has gone through so much more pain than i have..and he went through it for me. i've learned to rely on him with every circumstance in my life. i've learned to ask for forgiveness. i've learned of his great love for me and that he is the ultimate healer. he's had his protecting hand over me this whole time. i've learned to trust him with everything i've got, for only he knows my future.

i'm a teenage girl..im allowed to have breakdowns

im an emotional, chocolate-craving girl..what can i say? most of us are:) though my breakdown today didn't have to do with boys, pimples, or what i'm gonna wear tomorrow...surprisingly it had to do with school. i dont know what got into me, but i started crying at the dinner table tonight. my family was talking about the new year and how fast this past year has gone which made me realize how fast my life is going. everyone told me that highschool would go by fast but i had no idea how much truth was to that. i still have two years left but it's just crazy to think about. i've been at blackhawk for eleven years!! i've had the same friends for eleven whole years! i remember being in fifth and sixth grade thinking the year 2013 seemed so far away but now, it's just around the corner. i'm gonna be a junior in highschool in a few months. i'm gonna get my drivers license soon. i only have two more years living at home! well as i was crying at the dinner table my dad told me that highschool's just a chapter in my life and that i will enjoy the rest of the chapters just as much as i'm enjoying this one. i'm so thankful for my school, friends, and family. i am extremly blessed.