Monday, October 18, 2010
ugh why me?
This past week, my house got broken into. Not just my house, my room specifically. The very first thing I said when I found out was, 'Why did they have to choose our house?!? Cherry Hill (big houses) is right down the road and I'm sure they all have better stuff than here!!!!' I was angry, not just plain angry, I was spitting angry. I felt so violated, my own room. My messy (yet organized) room. It's mine-not theirs! So why did they have to go in there?? Well, for the next several sleepless nights as I laid in bed ready to take on anyone who tried to break in again (in all reality I would've screamed bloody murder if someone came in when I was home) I realized I needed to trust God. I asked him to protect me and he did. I asked him to help me soften my heart so I could surrender my fears unto him. I don't understand why things such as this happen, but I do know God has a plan for me. Those sleepless nights, I learned to trust him. I learned to surrender my worries, my fears, my anxieties to him. He is the ultimate protector. As Bob and Larry would say, 'God is bigger than the boogeyman.....'
silence.
Voices shouting. Cell phones beeping. Brothers fighting. Vacuums roaring. Dogs barking. Doors slamming. Teachers demanind. Bells ringing. Music blaring. Alarms buzzing. Faucets running. Engines starting Stoves sizzling. Toilets flushing. Washers/dryers rumbling. Televisions piercing. Fans blowing. Noice. It's ALL around us. And sometimes, we don't even realize it. We wake up to it and fall asleep to it. When was the last time you sat in complete silence? I couldn't tell you the last for me. I say I can't hear God, and I've finally found out why. My life is a noise mixed in with everyone else's noise. It's like my life is an Ipod stuck on shuffle with an infinite amount of songs. Some noises may be peaceful, classical music but others are hardcore screamo. Hundreds of noises running through my head day after day. It's so hard to be silent. It's so hard to isolate ourselves from societies 'Ipod.' But we must. We must spend time in solitude with God, for he may be speaking to us, but all we're doing is zoning him out with our earphones.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
cliche is a weird word.
'dear god, thank you for this food, bless it to our bodies. amen.'
'how are you?' 'good how are you?' 'good.'
'i'll pray for you.'
cliches. let me start off by saying i dont like the word cliche. it sounds weird. its spelled weird. and i dont get why theres an accent over the 'e', it bugs me, therefore im not putting it there.
anyway, i feel like people are so cliche all the time. we fall into a routine and then never change. for example, i paint my nails every thursday night and do my eyebrows every sunday night. why do i do this? because i did them once, i got in a routine, and i never stopped.
if i were to take a poll, i gurantee you that most people only pray before dinner and or bed. why is that? and usually when people pray before a meal, we're so hungry and wanna eat that all we say is thanks for the food, amen. do we even know who we're talking too? the creator and sustainer of the universe and all we abruptly say is thanks for the grub, amen. i wanna know who the person was that came along and said..'we should only thank god for dinner.' we should talk to god ALL the time, not once a day and not only because it's cliche. we should do it because we WANT too.
another annoying cliche, (other than the word itself) goes something like this, 'o hey how are you?' 'o im good, and you?' 'im good.' ok what kind of conversation is that? like for real, you might as well not have even had it. it drives me nuts when someone says, 'how are you?' while walking away. they might as well have said, 'im gonna ask you how you are but i dont reallycare so im just gonna walk away.' im guilty of it too, we all ask people that simple question yet never really care what their answer is. and when someone asks us the question in return, we give the one-word, cliche answer-good. majority of the time we say good just so the person will be satified and walk away. we need to strive to be a people with loving hearts who truly care how someone is doing.
lastly, 'ill pray for you.' im gonna tell you write now that i have said that phrase numerous times and havnt meant it or done it. i think its something we say just so we feel good about ourselves, when really we should be caring about the person we said it too, and striving to pray for them as often as we can. prayer shouldnt be taken lightly yet it is such a cliche phrase that so many people just say it because they feel it as the right thing to say at the moment.
i dont want to be cliche. i dont want my life to be cliche. i dont want to go through the motions of painting my nails on a thursday and doing my eyebrows every sunday. i want my life to be genuine-not cliche...because after all, cliche is a weird word.
'how are you?' 'good how are you?' 'good.'
'i'll pray for you.'
cliches. let me start off by saying i dont like the word cliche. it sounds weird. its spelled weird. and i dont get why theres an accent over the 'e', it bugs me, therefore im not putting it there.
anyway, i feel like people are so cliche all the time. we fall into a routine and then never change. for example, i paint my nails every thursday night and do my eyebrows every sunday night. why do i do this? because i did them once, i got in a routine, and i never stopped.
if i were to take a poll, i gurantee you that most people only pray before dinner and or bed. why is that? and usually when people pray before a meal, we're so hungry and wanna eat that all we say is thanks for the food, amen. do we even know who we're talking too? the creator and sustainer of the universe and all we abruptly say is thanks for the grub, amen. i wanna know who the person was that came along and said..'we should only thank god for dinner.' we should talk to god ALL the time, not once a day and not only because it's cliche. we should do it because we WANT too.
another annoying cliche, (other than the word itself) goes something like this, 'o hey how are you?' 'o im good, and you?' 'im good.' ok what kind of conversation is that? like for real, you might as well not have even had it. it drives me nuts when someone says, 'how are you?' while walking away. they might as well have said, 'im gonna ask you how you are but i dont reallycare so im just gonna walk away.' im guilty of it too, we all ask people that simple question yet never really care what their answer is. and when someone asks us the question in return, we give the one-word, cliche answer-good. majority of the time we say good just so the person will be satified and walk away. we need to strive to be a people with loving hearts who truly care how someone is doing.
lastly, 'ill pray for you.' im gonna tell you write now that i have said that phrase numerous times and havnt meant it or done it. i think its something we say just so we feel good about ourselves, when really we should be caring about the person we said it too, and striving to pray for them as often as we can. prayer shouldnt be taken lightly yet it is such a cliche phrase that so many people just say it because they feel it as the right thing to say at the moment.
i dont want to be cliche. i dont want my life to be cliche. i dont want to go through the motions of painting my nails on a thursday and doing my eyebrows every sunday. i want my life to be genuine-not cliche...because after all, cliche is a weird word.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
ants on an anthill.
so i work at the mall...and let me just tell ya, there are SO many different types of people in this world. i find it rather entertaining to stand back and just watch all the people go by. the hustle and bustle of the mall. different types of people coming and going from every which way. but where are all these people going? and why is everyone always in a rush? why do most people get mad at me when i say they have to wait three minutes for a pretzel? really?..like whats three minutes gonna do? kill ya?
but for real, where are all these people going? people move so stinkin fast. it reminds me of ants on an anthill. i really dont know what the ants are trying to do on their little hills but they're always moving so fast! i don't know where all those people are going in the mall, i dont know what they go home to,,,,do they go home to an abusive spouse? do they go home to a homemade meal ready for them when they walk in the door? do they go home to an empty apartment? do they even have a home? so many different types of people in the world. and im one of them. we all may seem so different but we have at least two things in common: we were all made and crafted by the almighty god who loves us and......we all seem like ants on an anthill.
but for real, where are all these people going? people move so stinkin fast. it reminds me of ants on an anthill. i really dont know what the ants are trying to do on their little hills but they're always moving so fast! i don't know where all those people are going in the mall, i dont know what they go home to,,,,do they go home to an abusive spouse? do they go home to a homemade meal ready for them when they walk in the door? do they go home to an empty apartment? do they even have a home? so many different types of people in the world. and im one of them. we all may seem so different but we have at least two things in common: we were all made and crafted by the almighty god who loves us and......we all seem like ants on an anthill.
barbies. tents. eyeliner. hairspray.
jesse: hannah come build a tent with me!
hannah: jesse, you know i'm busy. i don't have time to play 'tent.'
jesse: but you're always busy.
growing up is scary. i now understand why peter pan never wanted to grow up. there's so many decisions to make. so many responsibilities. so much presure.
i remember playing barbies with my dad, we would set up 'barbie world' in the living room and lay there for hours fantasizing barbie and ken's dream world. if we weren't playing barbies we were hiding out under a tent we made. We would lay blankets under the kitchen table and bring in a flashlight and read stories and eat pizza all night long.
lets fast forward a few years to sixth grade. suddenly, my friends stopped wanting to play with barbies or hide out under a tent all night. they stopped wanting to play pretend. now, the cool thing to do was sit in someone's basement talking about boys and gossiping about the girls in our class who still played with barbies. Our barbie and ken dolls were replaced with eyeliner and hairspray. slowly, things began to change that year.
lets fast forward even more to ninth grade. my school's advisor came to talk to my class about college. i didnt want to think about college-that was four whole years away! he told us that we needed to start thinking about our future:where we wanted to go to school, what we wanted to study, etc. well not so long after that my youth group was talking about relationships. my pastor told us that the decisions we make now, will effect us for the rest of our lives. he also said that we should make a list of attributes we want in our future spouse someday. i had had enough! not only did i have to think about college but now my future husband someday?!?
alright, presnt time now. im a sophomore. i have my permit. i have a job. i have a boyfriend. i play soccer. and try to maintain good grades. talk about being busy. im hardly ever home and when i am, im doing homework which makes me in a bad mood. i have two and a half years of highschool left. two and a half more years of living at home. if my life was a remote, the fast forward button would be pressed, making my life seem like it's going one hundred miles per hour. how i wish i could still lay under that kitchen table listenning to my daddy read me stories. and that i still had the time to play barbies every single day. i may be getting older, life may seem to be going faster, and i may often appear to be busy, but my imagination hasnt left me. even though my barbies are in the attic and i can no longer fit under the kitchen table, i still sometimes pretend im a princess locked up in a tower surrounded by monsters. i pretend im an orphan living alone on the streets scrounging for scraps of food. no matter how old or busy we get, let us never lose sight of our childhood memories!
hannah: jesse, you know i'm busy. i don't have time to play 'tent.'
jesse: but you're always busy.
growing up is scary. i now understand why peter pan never wanted to grow up. there's so many decisions to make. so many responsibilities. so much presure.
i remember playing barbies with my dad, we would set up 'barbie world' in the living room and lay there for hours fantasizing barbie and ken's dream world. if we weren't playing barbies we were hiding out under a tent we made. We would lay blankets under the kitchen table and bring in a flashlight and read stories and eat pizza all night long.
lets fast forward a few years to sixth grade. suddenly, my friends stopped wanting to play with barbies or hide out under a tent all night. they stopped wanting to play pretend. now, the cool thing to do was sit in someone's basement talking about boys and gossiping about the girls in our class who still played with barbies. Our barbie and ken dolls were replaced with eyeliner and hairspray. slowly, things began to change that year.
lets fast forward even more to ninth grade. my school's advisor came to talk to my class about college. i didnt want to think about college-that was four whole years away! he told us that we needed to start thinking about our future:where we wanted to go to school, what we wanted to study, etc. well not so long after that my youth group was talking about relationships. my pastor told us that the decisions we make now, will effect us for the rest of our lives. he also said that we should make a list of attributes we want in our future spouse someday. i had had enough! not only did i have to think about college but now my future husband someday?!?
alright, presnt time now. im a sophomore. i have my permit. i have a job. i have a boyfriend. i play soccer. and try to maintain good grades. talk about being busy. im hardly ever home and when i am, im doing homework which makes me in a bad mood. i have two and a half years of highschool left. two and a half more years of living at home. if my life was a remote, the fast forward button would be pressed, making my life seem like it's going one hundred miles per hour. how i wish i could still lay under that kitchen table listenning to my daddy read me stories. and that i still had the time to play barbies every single day. i may be getting older, life may seem to be going faster, and i may often appear to be busy, but my imagination hasnt left me. even though my barbies are in the attic and i can no longer fit under the kitchen table, i still sometimes pretend im a princess locked up in a tower surrounded by monsters. i pretend im an orphan living alone on the streets scrounging for scraps of food. no matter how old or busy we get, let us never lose sight of our childhood memories!
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